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Wife Discovers Man Has Been Secretly Recording Arguments

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 10 years and have two children. One of them is a toddler.

I recently found out that my husband has been recording me with his phone at various times without my consent when we have heated arguments. He claims he does it to protect himself in the event that I try to have him arrested.

Abby, there is no abuse in our marriage, and I have never threatened to call the police on him. I'm hurt and paranoid now. I don't even want to be in my own home. He claims to have deleted the files, but I don't trust him. Any advice would be helpful. -- HURT IN THE SOUTH

DEAR HURT: If I ever heard of a couple needing marriage counseling, it is you two. The recording won't show what started the argument or what came after it, both of which are important. Please ask your doctor or health care provider for a referral to a licensed marital and family therapist. Go alone if your husband won't go with you.

It appears your husband is playing mind games with you. And I'm also concerned about how this volatility is affecting your children. If something isn't done about it, it will destroy your marriage.


DEAR ABBY: I'm a 23-year-old man living in Texas. I am a college graduate and on my own now. My parents are very caring, but my father has an unhealthy obsession with me.

He messages me multiple times a day. It never stops. I'm currently looking for teaching jobs, and he tries to intervene by looking for them for me. He's like a wasp that will not go away, and it is making me very uncomfortable. Even though I am an adult, he tries to tell me what to do and how to do it. I am so confused; please help me. -- LETTING GO IN TEXAS

DEAR LETTING GO: Keep in mind that your father means well. He doesn't understand you are now an adult and don't need his interventions. Have a talk with both of your parents about this. Tell them your father's constant messaging is making you extremely uncomfortable. Ask him to please stop and warn them both that if he doesn't, you will be forced to block his communication and keep your distance from him.


DEAR ABBY: My best girlfriend for 40 years broke up with me because, after she told me she and her husband were having marital problems, I told her the last time we two couples were using their hot tub, her hubby was stroking my leg with his foot. I know I ruined everything, but I thought she should know. Did I do the right thing? I have written long letters of apology, but she has completely shut me out. -- TELLING THE TRUTH IN OHIO

DEAR TELLING: You did nothing wrong by telling your longtime friend. The fault that the friendship is over doesn't lie with you. She is probably embarrassed, or her husband lied and told her what he did was harmless.


Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.


Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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