ECKSTEIN'S X-RAYS
Americasline.com

Las Vegas-

X Ray - a non-luminous electromagnetic ray of radiation produced by the bombardment of a substance by a stream of electrons moving at great velocity. X rays are capable of penetrating opaque or solid substances, ionizing gases and tissues through which they pass, and affecting photographic plates and fluorescent screens. Just think of me as your non-luminous electromagnetic ray of radiation. Got it?

Now, if you truly believe, then you realize I will be able to penetrate opaque or solid substances.

MY KINGDOM FOR A HORSE

As all readers of X-Rays know, this famous line was uttered by King Richard III courtesy of William Shakespeares' quill. At the time, there were no Hummers or Bradley Tanks, so a horse was the mode of transportation in battle. King Richard lost his mount, and bellowed for a new one. In the interest of all horse lovers, and owners, we need to advise you, that there is a serial horse... lets just say, abuser, roaming the wilds of Montana. A story out of the BigFork Eagle in Montana presents an entire new slant??? Now the actual story, exactly as it appeared.

Horses stolen, victimized near Echo Lake

Area horse owners, espcially those around Echo Lake, may want to keep a close eye on their equine companions after two recent instances of abuse and theft.

A naked man was found having intercourse with a horse in a stable on McCaffery Road around 6:30 a.m. on November 17. Flathead County Sheriff, Jim Dupont, said the man, still nude, fled on foot when the owner of the horse entered the stable.

"He left his boots and a bottle of hand lotion behind," Dupont said.

The incident came just days after a Flathead County deputy reported his horse missing. The horse had apparently been taken from the stable near Echo Lake early in the weekend.

The horse was back in the stable by late in the weekend with traces of lanolin around its rectum.

"It appears we have a serial horse rapist," Dupont said.

The sheriff's office is investigating, and Dupont advised horse owners to be vigilant.

Normally, we would have a few questions, but with the Kentucky Derby just a few months down the road, it's probably better to just let it lie, or is that...lay!

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SUPER DUPER SUPER BOWL

Super Bowl XXXVIII was truly SUPER, both on the field, and at the betting windows, at least in the state of Nevada. According to the Nevada Gaming Control board, the sports books took in a record $81.2 million in wagers, and won a record $12.4 million. The hold, or win for the books, came out to 15.3%. That was a touch lower than the 16.3% hold in 2001, but both the total wagers, $66.7 million, and the win, $11 million, were less.

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WHAT WOULD DEION DO? WHAT WOULDN'T DEION DO?

Great to be back on the X-Ray beat, and a humungous thank you to all our cyber clickers that have been longing for new coulmns, but have been so patient.

It was dead in the middle of summer, so you might have been at the beach house, in Europe, or otherwise out of touch, but this little story from Neon Deion Sanders deserves a special place in all of our hearts.

Here's the skinny.

Deion's rep, Anthony Montoya, contacted a local Dallas repair shop to have Neon's 1961 Lincoln Continental convertible towed in for some work. According to papers filed by Phil Compton and his company, Mechanics for Magrathea Inc., they installed a new radiator and thermostat, flushed the engine, repaired the car's electrical system and guages, replaced the starter motor, removed contaminated fuel and rebuilt the carburetor.

According to the lawsuit, both Sanders and Compton had approved all the repairs. The bill was $4,265.57, which according to my own mechanic here in Vegas, is bit high, but not criminal.

When the car was returned to Sanders home in Plano by Compton, his wife Pilar "answered the door, took the keys and invoices, started the car to make sure it was working, and went back into the locked house, refusing to return the keys or invoices."

Then Sanders' bodyguards and housekeepers moved their cars in front of and behind the Lincoln so that it couldn't be towed back to the garage.

Here's the kicker.

When Deion drove up, he refused to pay the invoice amount, handing Compton a $1500 check and saying, "Praise Jesus...I follow what in my heart I'm told to pay."

Okay. If I'm Phil Compton, the 'Praise Jesus' line paralyzes me right there.

The 'Praise Jesus' discount!

Wow!

You have to respect Deion's religous beliefs, but imagine if every one tried to invoke the 'Praise Jesus' discount.
Or, even more problematical, what about the folks that don't follow Jesus as their Lord and Savior.

What would Buddha do?

What would Mohammed do?

What would Moses do?

I'm not sure about Buddha and Mohammed, but a think I have a line to Moses, and he would probably have said, 'If Jesus is paying only $1500, I couldn't possibly give you a penny over $1250.

Again, with all due respect to Jesus, it opens up a big fat ass can of worms.