Dear Abby
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WOMAN DISCOVERS MAN'S EYES AREN'T WANDERING BY ACCIDENT

DEAR ABBY: I am a 58-year-old, twice divorced, hard-working, middle-class female. I spend most of my time working and involved with my three adult children. About a year ago I started dating someone. He is 63, very helpful and claims he's madly in love with me and appreciates this opportunity for a normal, wholesome life.

Occasionally I'll catch him staring at women's butts. It bothers me a bit, but oh well, he's a man. Last week our family went camping. At least a dozen times I saw him position himself so that he could stare at my 40-year-old daughter's behind. Keep in mind, my daughter dresses VERY conservatively, and this trip was almost all jeans and T-shirts.

As we were packed up and ready to head home, she said she had to relieve herself and headed into the bushes (this is a remote campground). Instead of my boyfriend looking the other way as we all did, he stared and gawked in her direction obviously trying to sneak a peek!

Abby, I am devastated and disgusted. Please give me your take on this. -- NORMAL OR NOT IN NEW YORK

DEAR NORMAL: For a man to look at women's body parts is normal, but what your boyfriend did goes beyond that. For him to try to sneak a peek at your daughter while she relieved herself indicates that he is a voyeur. Now you must determine whether he just takes advantage of an opportunity or he actively seeks it out, which could present a problem in the future.


DEAR ABBY: My daughter is a 29-year-old new mother. I know times have changed since I was a new mom, but the restrictions my daughter has put on visiting her and my new grandson are unrealistic.

Since his birth three weeks ago, I have seen him only once -- at the hospital. She has taken him on two outings: one where there were 10 people and another where there were more than 100. (My grandson has not yet received any of his childhood vaccinations.)

My daughter now says that when I visit, I must change into freshly washed clothes before entering her house. She's afraid that the secondhand smoke will harm him.

I'm not unintelligent. I have bought disinfectants to spray on myself, as well as breath strips. I also wash my hands, arms and face before I hold him. Am I unrealistic in thinking she's asking too much, or should I say something to her and let her know how much she has hurt me? -- CRYING DAY AND NIGHT

DEAR CRYING: I do think you should talk to your daughter. What she may be trying to do is encourage you to quit smoking. I doubt that she's doing it to be hurtful.

Her motivation may be that she knows how unhealthy smoking is and would like you to be around until your grandchild is well into adulthood. The odds of that happening will be higher if you can find a way to give up tobacco. And when you do, consider putting all the money you save -- and it will be plenty -- into an education fund for your grandson.


Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.


What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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